Can't Focus. Tomorrow is Big.

I had planned to post a review of a piece that the Minnesota Public Radio posted on its site yesterday. I've begun the draft, but I can't focus.

Then the IDSA announced that their review committee (that one where those folks who are accused of ethics violations get to oversee the review of themselves and then violate the antitrust agreement which outlined the voting procedure of the review.  You know, that one.) has voted to make zero changes to their guidelines. That warrants a significant response. But, I can't focus.

Tomorrow I start my Intravenous Immunoglobulin (IvIg) treatment.

That seems like a simple statement, right?

Yet, there is so much packed in there. I first went to a doctor because I was feeling "poisoned" all the time in 2005.

I have a plethora of emotions and myriad questions. I'm ecstatic and anxious and hopeful and cynical. Will I tolerate it? Will it work? How long will it take? What will it be like to be well again? Will my daughter like who I am when I'm healthy? What will I pursue to earn a living when I regain my health? What if it doesn't work? How depressed will I get?

Can I knit for the 4 hours the Iv line is in my arm? Can I walk around? Can I eat? Will it be cold? Or hot? Will it wear me out or energize me? Will my symptoms get worse before they get better?

Will I be able to perform on the violin?

Okay. Old joke.

So, what does any erstwhile compulsive personality do when she's feeling so overwhelmed? She organizes her sock and underwear drawers. Oh yeah.

I think I've done other stuff today. Not sure, though. I'm nursing a big headache and nausea over sounds or making an effort to think or trying to have a conversation. Very strong burning all over my skin. Worst on my ankles and lower legs. Non-stop yawning. Walking the dog nor caffeinated tea helped.

So, I think I'm checking out for the eve.

Hmmm. Maybe I'll liveblog my treatment.....